"I felt a lump." She says to me.
"Ok."
"What do you think it is?"
"Probably nothing, but you should have it checked out."
Weeks go by. Beth finally decides to make a call to her doctor. "We want to see you right away." The visit results in an appointment for an ultrasound and mammogram. Those results looked suspicious so a biopsy was recommended. The medical staff, knowing we were about to embark on a 10 day trip away form home, said to go ahead and enjoy the time away. "By the look of the lump, it is probably nothing." The appointment was scheduled for Monday the 11th. So we go on our family vacation and try to enjoy ourselves with this weighing on our minds. Luckily we have these two little girls that make us smile and laugh...a lot.
It was a nice week spent as a family. Unfortunately my wife had to put on a face that her thoughts were not constantly on the elephant in the room, at all times. We spent some time, knowing we shouldn't, reading things on the internet about all the "what if's" and questions we couldn't have answered until we got more information. As anyone who knows Beth, quiet is not typically her m.o., but silent contemplation was a common expression I witnessed on her face. I experienced many moments realizing I was over thinking how to act around her and what to say to her.
Monday, Aug. 11th,
Vacation over, home and back to normal routine; only with an appointment to have some samples pulled out of her breast. We dropped the girls off at our daycare provider and stopped by Starbucks, one of Beth's few vices, then off to the Cancer Center. I spend an hour+ in the waiting room reading science articles online (because I'm a nerd), and searching for swimsuits for Beth. She had recently made a comment about switching to a one-piece suit and to myself I said, "NO." I see my wife as a beautiful, sexy, young woman. I want her to "flaunt it, if she has it."
When everything was finished, she came out sore and contemplative. The nurse told us we would get the results on Wednesday.
Tuesday, Aug. 12th,
A kiss goodbye and we are both off to work. I have a normal day. Beth has an anxious day anticipating the call on Wednesday. At 3:00pm she calls me and asks if I am somewhere that she can talk to me. Immediately I think I'm in trouble for something I did or forgot to do. But, I haven't done anything "shady," (as Beth likes to say), recently. I never thought this was the moment she was going to tell me what came next...it was only Tuesday.
"I have cancer."
Now, I think to myself, "Whatever. Be serious, Beth. Don't play like that."
Then, she says, "Are you there?"
"Of course."
To myself: Get it together, Curt! She is serious.
"Ok. What's next?"
She tells me we will meet with a Oncological breast surgeon and everything will begin to move very fast. This is not good news, obviously.
My thoughts are, "It's just cancer. There is a nasty lump in her breast and they will cut it out. No more cancer. Done."
I think, "She won't die."
We know lots of people who had breast cancer. They are still alive. But, we also know people who have died. Young people.
We had plans to go to close family friend's house for dinner that evening and decide to still go. Pat, is battling breast cancer right now. In fact we didn't know until later that night that Pat had chemotherapy that day. The evening is spent discussing types of cancer, types of treatment, other people with cancer, doctors, and kids. Parents always talk about kids. Always.
Afterward we were glad we went and felt somewhat better being able to speak with someone who cares about us and who was going through everything we would soon be going through. But, only being one day into this ordeal, I know those feelings that everything will be alright never last long enough.
"Ok."
"What do you think it is?"
"Probably nothing, but you should have it checked out."
Weeks go by. Beth finally decides to make a call to her doctor. "We want to see you right away." The visit results in an appointment for an ultrasound and mammogram. Those results looked suspicious so a biopsy was recommended. The medical staff, knowing we were about to embark on a 10 day trip away form home, said to go ahead and enjoy the time away. "By the look of the lump, it is probably nothing." The appointment was scheduled for Monday the 11th. So we go on our family vacation and try to enjoy ourselves with this weighing on our minds. Luckily we have these two little girls that make us smile and laugh...a lot.
Monday, Aug. 11th,
Vacation over, home and back to normal routine; only with an appointment to have some samples pulled out of her breast. We dropped the girls off at our daycare provider and stopped by Starbucks, one of Beth's few vices, then off to the Cancer Center. I spend an hour+ in the waiting room reading science articles online (because I'm a nerd), and searching for swimsuits for Beth. She had recently made a comment about switching to a one-piece suit and to myself I said, "NO." I see my wife as a beautiful, sexy, young woman. I want her to "flaunt it, if she has it."
When everything was finished, she came out sore and contemplative. The nurse told us we would get the results on Wednesday.
Tuesday, Aug. 12th,
A kiss goodbye and we are both off to work. I have a normal day. Beth has an anxious day anticipating the call on Wednesday. At 3:00pm she calls me and asks if I am somewhere that she can talk to me. Immediately I think I'm in trouble for something I did or forgot to do. But, I haven't done anything "shady," (as Beth likes to say), recently. I never thought this was the moment she was going to tell me what came next...it was only Tuesday.
"I have cancer."
Now, I think to myself, "Whatever. Be serious, Beth. Don't play like that."
Then, she says, "Are you there?"
"Of course."
To myself: Get it together, Curt! She is serious.
"Ok. What's next?"
She tells me we will meet with a Oncological breast surgeon and everything will begin to move very fast. This is not good news, obviously.
My thoughts are, "It's just cancer. There is a nasty lump in her breast and they will cut it out. No more cancer. Done."
I think, "She won't die."
We know lots of people who had breast cancer. They are still alive. But, we also know people who have died. Young people.
We had plans to go to close family friend's house for dinner that evening and decide to still go. Pat, is battling breast cancer right now. In fact we didn't know until later that night that Pat had chemotherapy that day. The evening is spent discussing types of cancer, types of treatment, other people with cancer, doctors, and kids. Parents always talk about kids. Always.
Afterward we were glad we went and felt somewhat better being able to speak with someone who cares about us and who was going through everything we would soon be going through. But, only being one day into this ordeal, I know those feelings that everything will be alright never last long enough.
Comments
Post a Comment